I woke up to a a dream, no a nightmare which left me confused and sad. I cried buckets trying to make sense of it all. Lay in bed without moving, without breathing willing the nightmare to be just that, a bad dream. There were two adjacent houses. In one house I was with my baby and her ex *Laila.Nono left with Laila to go to the other house. Something transpired or something was said that made me leave the house in total defeat. When I got to the other house, I packed my bags. My grandmother was there hurling blasphemous words about lesbianism. I turned around shouted , I am a lesbian. If you want to kill me go ahead. Then i woke up. "Baby wake up. Ive just had a bad dream.'I relayed it to Nono in tears as she held me and told me it was just a dream. I have had similar dreams. The only difference is that with the previous dreams, I was left in the cold. They left me and indeed they did leave me. So it was not just a dream . No it was not just a dream. The frustration lay in the fact that I couldnt figure out that which tranpsired that saw me packing my bags. You have to understand, I love my woman. I worship the ground she walks on. I will fight till the end before I leave. it felt like the end in the dream.I was defeated. I surrendered. Laila why, you have had your turn and things didnt work out. Give us a chance to work, see how far we go. Nono you loved her and you probably still do however I love you more. I want to spend my life with you, grow old with you at Port Alfred. Our very own house with a white-washed picket fence with fluffly running around. I want to share and witnessing our little girl grow into a woman.I want to take that trip to Paris and that Merc B Class. its not just a dream baby. One day, someday soon....I want it all with you. The good, the bad. Please tell me im not alone. Nono held me and tried to comfort my hysterical self. I know you love me. We share something so precious and yes I would be foolish to give it up, to give you up.I fear losing you. Fear can manifest into reality. Why cant we just enjoy what which we have.Focus on the positive instead of thinking of that which could happen. God i pray it was just a dream. God i know it was a dream. Why does love hurt so bad. Why are we letting our exs play with our heads, create chaos in our relationship. Why Nono,why.